Hey Lovelies!! Welcome to part 2 of the “situationship series”. In this section we will be talking about how to avoid being in a situationship. If you feel you are already in a situationship or you’re not sure what a situationship is then go to my last post.
Click on the button below and find out what a situationship looks like. You can take the quiz at the end to find out how your relationship scores on the situationship meter.
So, lets jump on in! Ways to avoid being in a situationship are by:
Being open and honest in the beginning about what you want.
This is your life, so you have to set your terms. If you want a relationship then you need to be clear about that and the type of relationship you want. This means you are letting it be known that a committed relationship is your goal. Explain your wants and needs, if you need an emotionally supportive person in your life then convey that early on. Something I learned about dating is that you can never be too up front. If someone is intimidated by your standards then they could never live up to them and it’s best that they leave before wasting to much of your time.
Don’t rush into sex too quickly.
If you are the type that isn’t able to separate sex from your emotions then this is a very good tip for you. Being intimate for some people only confuses things and can keep you from seeing the situation clearly. Sex tends to “cover a multitude of sins”, meaning it will hide the fact that the person you are sleeping with isn’t really being as present in your life as you might need. All the ” fun” you’re having could be hiding flaws that could have been seen in the beginning. Being intimate with someone can form a bond that can mimic love and can keep you from accurately assessing the person you are interested in.
Keeping a list and remind yourself of what you want.
I have learned that lists are important but actually using them is even more important. Those standards we just talked about in the first tip; I’m gonna need you to write those down. Once you’ve written them down keep the list in a safe place. Periodically check the list to see if the goals and standards you originally wanted are being upheld. As time goes on it’s easy to get “comfortable” and fall into a routine with someone you care for. Routines can unconsciously lead you into a situationship if left unchecked. Checking the list is kind of like a little reminder about what your emotional goals and needs were when you first started out. This list lets you reflect on if you are letting your self settle for less.
Keep an open line of communication between you and bae.
“You have not because you ask not”. I love this line and it rings true for this tip. Our bae’s aren’t mind readers and need for us to speak up to let them know what we want. Keeping an open line of communication will make it easier for you to address things if they start to go in the opposite direction. Talking about your needs and wants can be healthy when done appropriately. This is not just for you, this will help bae to also speak up on things they might also need.
Keep your self-worth high.
It takes a long time to build self-confidence and sometimes some of the people we tend to date can unconsciously (and sometimes consciously) lower our self-esteem. Having a lowered perceived self-worth or self-esteem makes you tolerate things you shouldn’t. You can keep your self-worth high with positive affirmations, making sure you do things that make you happy outside of the relationship. Doing things that will make you proud and keep you busy with your own goals.
Pay attention to what your love interest is doing and saying.
Sometimes we can follow all the tips given and still end up in a situationship because the other party never really wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. People can say anything to make it seem like they want the same things as you but you have to use discernment. Make sure their words and their actions are in harmony.
Learn to let go.
Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it. Learning to let go of what isn’t serving your highest good is a part of life. Not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever, some relationships have expiration dates. Take the experiences, learn the lessons and learn to let go. I’ve learned that one of the reasons it’s hard to let go of certain people is due to asking “what if”. Stop wondering “what if things change”, they rarely do. Start focusing on “what is” being presented before you now. Situationships can be tough to let go of but better options are out there. If you’re having a hard time getting over your bae then click on the link below on “how to get over a bad break up”. Get some tips on healing.
Ok lovies that’s it don’t forget to subscribe to my blog and get my “love letters” when there are new posts.