Healing from a breakup is just about the hardest thing you can do emotionally. You took the time out to get to know a person, opened yourself up and revealed your inner most vulnerable layers to a complete stranger, then formed a bond that is about as individual and unique as a fingerprint. And then it’s over… it’s a tough pill to swallow for some, and for others it could just be about a month or two and they are back on the scene; I envy those people. But if you are like me and you don’t like to let go or don’t like change. it’s safe to say that if you really felt a genuine emotional connection to someone it will be really hard to let them or “the idea” of them go.
My life sucked so yours doesn’t have to, so I’m going to give you some tips and some tricks I did in order to get over my ex’s (yes plural) but mainly my last love who I was madly in love with. I’m writing this with tips I wish I had seen on the internet when I was searching for how to get over a heartbreak. So, these aren’t fluff tips but things that if you truly implement could help alleviate some of the pain and breed a new mindset. These tips won’t help everyone but I’m hoping that they could at least help some.
1.Writing a list of things that were wrong with the relationship.
I get it your hurt and you miss this person, so your mind is either A). reliving all those sweet moments or B). painting a picture of the potential of the relationship that at this point isn’t happening. Whether you were cheated on (which goes at number 1 on the list), the one who walked away, or the one who was left, what I have come to realize is no relationship is perfect and writing the cons especially when you are hurting can kind of put into perspective why you are better off not in that relationship to begin with. Don’t make a pro’s list either! That totally defeats the purpose there are no pros for a person who left the best thing in their life which was you.
2. Stop wondering “what if?” what if is a black hole that goes absolutely nowhere.
What ifs kept me in all my relationships way to long and kept me pinning after potential instead of the truth. “what if’s” kept me sad for a longer period of time because “what ifs” can become infinite. What if I didn’t eat his last French fry that day and he didn’t get upset.? What if I did this and what if I did that and what if he comes back and the list goes on. “What if’s” get you nowhere. All you need to focus on is the “what is” like what is actually happening in your life right now. When a “what if” pops into your mind recognize it and then switch thoughts this is called thought blocking and it helps to create a healthier way of thinking.
Ok I lied this is a fluff tip but it works so bear with me.
3. Find an outlet.
Whether it be drawing, pottery, exercise, poetry or throwing axes at a wall (which can be fun) you need to find a way to channel your pain. The biggest mistake I made was not finding something, anything to do to get me out of my room. I spent an extra 8 months dealing with heartbreak until I finally started to find activities to do. And they don’t have to be group activities, I feel solo activities are the best because it doesn’t leave you dependent on another person for happiness and it’s something you can do to just focus on yourself.
Are you really ready to let go? Cause this next one will hurt.
This next tip does take some strength to do and it takes commitment. Visualize yourself standing up, feet firm on the ground with your POI behind you and you walking away with your head HELD HIGH!!!!!!!!! It hurt the first couple times I did this and I honestly in my made-up visualization I turned back to look at him and couldn’t really hold my head up high walking away. The human brain is something isn’t it. But trust me it works. Now when I visualize this, I can turn back wave to my ex and break dance away from him. All jokes aside I realized I started not to hurt any more when I could fully walk away in my visualization.
I used to get really depressed about my ex I cried a lot of days, nights, holidays, and weekends for this man. On the days it got really bad I would look at the list I compiled of the con’s and remind myself that even though I miss him, everything wasn’t all good I actually had this list on the lock screen of my cell phone(yeah I need a lot of reminding). I would cancel out all the what ifs running through my mind because there were a lot I had at one point really wanted him to come back. I would then start to visualize me walking away, even if it was a couple steps it was better than nothing. I would go out and enjoy myself to take my mind off the sadness for a couple of hours. I did this almost everyday and gained back my emotional clarity and I never thought that day could happen because it took a very, very, very long time because I didn’t start doing these steps until late.
No matter where you are at your journey of healing there will be no quick fix to end all the hurt even if you find a replacement right now all you are doing is suppressing the hurt and stalling the healing that will resurface at a later time and at a stronger intensity. I genuinely want healing for you so humor me and try these tips just for a week and I’m sure you will see results.