Hello from one black sheep to another. Thinking about this topic while easy enough to talk to myself about about because this is my everyday life was actually a hard piece to write on. So I will start by explaining what a black sheep is.
Black sheep defined by the dictionary is “a member of a family or group who is regarded as a disgrace to them.”
This person is usually picked on, belittled, isolated and or physically or mentally abused by their family which usually starts from a young age. Being a black sheep in a family of normies or “social muggles” is like if someone shined a spotlight on you and only you and kept there forever. Every thing you do is highlighted and or over exaggerated by others.. This can create an atmosphere of insecurity, self-isolation, confusion, and anxiety.
If this sounds like you then I want to tell you, that you aren’t alone. *Insert hug here*
I thought about all the times I felt like an outsider in my own family and the loneliness and insecurities that arose from that. I really wanted to get across in this post that you should know you aren’t alone and are here for a reason. I’m going to tell you things I wish someone had told me at a young age about families and being different.This blog post is not here to make you feel bad about being called a black sheep on the contrary I’m here to help you embrace the name, turn this label into a badge of honor and also to process through the baggage associated with name and be able to see yourself clearly with fresh eyes. That will help with being different in your own family.
Being different isn’t for everyone.
This isn’t for the weak hearted.
You are different for a reason, yup I said it! As cliché as it might sound this is actual factual. You are uniquely and beautifully made. Not everyone is different, not everyone is unique, contrary to what society would like you to believe I just don’t believe this is true. Not everyone can deal with the pressures of not conforming. If everyone was so truly different and unique then why would your personality or traits stick out so much that you would need to google how to deal with being different? Hmm 🧐?? I understand that in a world that is used to putting parameters and guidelines for how to “be” you can feel rejected by society. I promise you that standing strong in your differences and learning to turn them into strengths will serve you greater than acquiescing to societies standards.
You are greater than the opinions of others
“Even though you may feel like one, God doesn’t make mistakes.”
Your destiny is greater than you imagine which is why you are being tested. In this world I’ve realized that the ones who are supposed to shine the brightest usually have the most mudd thrown at them. Things are never easy for the chosen and being the odd man out or the black sheep is a sign that you have a greatness inside of you. You are bigger than your differences, you are bigger than their opinions, you are bigger than what you believe. Being destined for something always comes with a target on your back. It is the black sheeps of the world that tend to create the most waves, and accomplish some of the most dynamic and prolific things in this world. Your story that is being written right now has a purpose, there is this quote that I feel you should hear “You are not accidental. The world needs you. Without you, something will be missing in existence and nobody can replace it.” This is you. Whether you are young or old every day you have gone through has an impact on this world. It is up to you to decide if you’re going to make a positive, negative or no impact with your experiences. Just because your family doesn’t understand you doesn’t mean that your life is horrible or wasted. Families, while important aren’t the end all be all of our lives, there are so many more connections that you are going to make in this world that will help you navigate and find your true self, true purpose and will make you happy.
Find out who you want to be, early on.
Who are you, really?
This is something I wish I had the strength to find out early in my adolescence. Sometimes we allow our family and the world to decide who we are and meant to be before we have a chance to decide for ourselves. This is common with being the black sheep of the family, you are constantly reminded about what is different, or bad about you on daily basis. This type of routine can reinforce negativity into our mindset and self identity; making us feel lost or hopeless in seeing ourself in a positive light. To counteract the effects of being a black sheep in the family start fortifying a strong spirit and the will to forge your own path with no remorse. I was told constantly as a child that I was “a problem child” “I was nothing but trouble”. There were times my father would use me as an example of what “not to be” when talking to my younger sibling, and I allowed those and other words to crush and hollow out my spirit. I consciously and subconsciously held on to the things I was told were bad about me and allowed them to stifle the shine a beauty God had put in me. I do not want that to happen to you so it is important to mute out the noise of the negativity and figure out who you are and who you want to be and focus solely on that. You can start by just remembering your fundamentals of who you are not what you’ve been told. You can only know what you’re not when you know who you are. The saying goes ” if you stand for nothing, you fall for everything” knowing who you are and what you want to become will help drown out the negativity and toxicity coming from your family.
Learn to Love yourself even when it feels no one else is trying to.
Love yourself first, because thats who you will be spending the rest of your life with.
It sucks I know, to feel isolated and misunderstood, to feel unwanted and misplaced in your own family. I don’t know exactly what you have been through or what age you are reading this but Im going to ask you to do an easy, yet hard thing. I am going to ask you to love yourself. Its only hard because you’re most likely treating yourself how your family is treating you. While I wish I could separate you from everyone who is offending or mistreating you, unfortunately I can’t. We can’t control what goes on around us but we have absolute power over ourselves and our thoughts. Positive affirmations can help. Click here to go to my blog post on raising your self esteem/ self confidence. Another way to get the self love gears going is to put yourself in positive situations outside of your family, things like sports or healthy group activities where you feel a connection or passion for. You can also talk to a therapist or counselor to help you navigate through your feelings. If you are of legal age to separate from your toxic family I would also suggest that. If you can’t physically leave your family then put an emotional buffer between you and their actions and words. I had to learn how to do this with my father. I had to understand years ago that some people do not have the emotional capacity to change or see life outside of their own perspective. So I took away his power to hurt me. I did this by accepting him for who he was and realizing that what he says about me or how he treats me isn’t a true reflection of who I am. Knowing who I am gave me my power back. This is why I talk about finding out who you are and who you want to be.
Find a support outside of your family
Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them and it will change your life forever
Sometimes your family won’t be your biggest cheerleader or even be understanding or supportive of who you are or the decisions you make so its important to find ppl who will be. One of my biggest mistakes was thinking I could do everything on my own. I thought of being a one-man army as a nice little “ f u” to my family and society. It turned out all that did was bring me face to face with depression and anxiety. Don’t be like me, having a support system is important. It could be friends, a therapist, family members who actually lift you up but you need to find someone to vent to and help you with this journey. There will be times when being the black sheep can get overwhelming and lonely. You need people who can be there for you when the journey gets rough. This is non negotiable in my book. We weren’t built to be alone and even if you can‘t go to your immediate family for comfort, there are other people in this world who can become like family and help you. God/ universe gave you one family but you can also create another.
The take away
If you take anything away from this post is that you have power in who you are, the way you were made and your place in this world. I know this topic is extremely complicated, working through years of traumatic negative conditioning can not be undone in a day or by a post but I’m proud of you for taking the steps and gaining the tools needed to over come. I hope this inspired some of you.